I'm a laid back cool guy man guy that does guy stuff like FIX SHIT (usually by taking it to another man who I'll pay with your money) and you'll know I'm a MAN'S GUY by how I (don't) dress, more specifically, I'll never wear a dress! Dresses are for ladies and I'M A MAN who's here for the ladies so gay dudes, sorry but I'm not available LOL (See, I know I'm a man's type of guy and that means that any shred of non-manness in you is gonna want to get pregnant by me and unless you're also a solid bro man guy hombre like me, you're just gonna get turned on and come at me, bro!)
Anyway, this profile is for the ladies who like REAL MEN and not FAKE MEN like all those other guys who also happen to be employed but that's just because people are afraid of REAL MEN but they shouldn't be because I'm just a harmless teddy bear GUY that will take care of you and always be gentle unless someone cuts us off in traffic or disagrees with me on social media in which case THAT PERSON should look out because a REAL MAN doesn't take shit from nobody but he does show other people how easily undermined he is and that's what I'll do with you!
I spend a lot of time doing MANBROGUYDUDE things like man-biking the guy-trails of Dude's Peak in the manscaped jungles of lower Ballsackian County where my uncle grew up and also my dad. So I don't have a lot of time to waste on time wasters but I have just enough to incessantly bother you for attention and validation when my needs demand it.
Me and my friends are so cool and awesome you won't need any of yours! This is great because I only want to do things I want to do, which involves everything from casual sex to other kinds as well!
Speaking of sex, I'll demand you're constantly at the sexual ready should I require it, but I won't be able to until after we're married and I'm on your healthcare and seen a doctor! But it'll be so worth it to have kept your non-existent needs in check while we're waiting on the "ALL CLEAR!"
You'll always know where you stand with me! For instance, is there a hotter woman in the room? Then you won't be standing next to me! Otherwise, your job is to be the hottest woman in the room, which should be easy because my totally reasonable standards mean you'll already be hot just by the fact that I'm dating you! I'm so good for your self-esteem!
The way I see it, the only unreasonable thing in the world are women that won't date me! That's a joke because I'm not!
I mean a dilapidated mobile home on some abandoned feral property. Why? I love nature and ecology or something, also this total bitch of a judge said I couldn't live near a school or parks and they just seem noisy to me and REAL MEN LIKE IT QUIET!
It's the only way to obsess over my insecurities.
So, tell me more about you? And by "you" I mean specifically "me" and by "tell me more about" I mean I'd like to hear compliments now about how awesome I am. Yes, I'll wait until right after you get back from the ladies room.
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