Hello Ladies - A Boilerplate Group Introduction for Enlightened Men That Are Definitely Not Here For Sex

Hello, ladies!

IRONY!

I said that because I know I'm not supposed to say that, but I'm a naughty little boy who's mischievous energy you won't find unappealing or creepy, ladies!

I'm enlightened enough to be both literal and ironic at the same time, ladies!

Did I mention this post is for the ladies?

Thank you for inviting me to your group of many genders, even though this first hello post is for you, ladies!

I'm excited to be here! Look at how many words I'm putting into this post! Did I mention I know you ladies like to read? I know what you ladies need – it's all I think about!

Check out these not-at-all-staged-or-curated photos of me! Don't I look the opposite of old and desperate? See all these activities I'm busy doing, ladies?

Gosh, I'm so active I barely had time to pose for these photos! Lucky for me there just happened to be a tripod with a camera mounted on it at the exact moment I was jetting from one activity to the next, probably meeting some ladies!

I posted this next photo because I feel good in it, and what's the crime in feeling good about yourself, AMIRITE, ladies?

Speaking of feeling good, ladies....

...here's a bunch of words that would be right at home on a FetLife profile but here they're just intended as harmless fun because I'm fun and a little bit of a boundary pusher but also literally I am thinking about doing this incredibly specific act that actually requires tons of upfront conversations about consent, which, incidentally I may or may not have a history of being bad at, so hopefully all these words will serve as a way for me to segue to “Consent is sexy, AMIRITE, ladies?!”

Oh man, and speaking of sexy, I'll go right ahead and just volunteer some deeply personal preferences and needs in hopes of attracting all of you while offending none of you. Because I also believe in equality, I'm attracted to all ladies, especially in the bedroom, ladies!

Are there men in this group, ladies? Don't worry, they are invisible to me as they should be to you. Have any of them typed this many words for you to read? Of course not, they're not thinking about your needs the way I am, ladies...

Oh, did you bring up needs? Because if you have any needs, ladies, you should feel safe and free to express them to me so that I alone may meet them on my terms, which will also be your terms because I will have sensed them beforehand with my superior male-enlightenment skills. One more note on consent – it's soooo sexy, right ladies?

I'll be DM'ing you soon, ladies!